Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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