i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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