I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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