it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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