Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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