come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I want her autograph on my taint
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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