So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
