I should be sponsored by Trojan
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
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