Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
