so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
