What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Randomize
