it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I have feelings that need drinking.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
