OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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