I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
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