I am in a vortex of obligation.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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