Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
