How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The beer is more important than you right now.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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