I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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