Whod you bang
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
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Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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