you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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