Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
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