Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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