So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
