Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
she looked like the before picture.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
