Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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