I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize