he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
