Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
