Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
