The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
