I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
How does one acquire holy water?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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