he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
