i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
