3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
