So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
