Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
