i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
My cat gives me a boner
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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