omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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