HIV tests are more positive than that guy
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Randomize
