if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
