All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
