Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
my shit smells like andre
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
