none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
