Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
