dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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