it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
