She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
