Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
