So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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