found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
