so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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