Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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