i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
