There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I just pynch a tree in the face
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
