who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I met the friendliest cop last night
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
where am i from again
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
