I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Randomize
