Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Randomize
