Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
