I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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