Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
foreskin is a definite game changer
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
