So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
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We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What happened to fro yo and sex?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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