i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
