My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
