White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
